bizarre Galaxy S3 driver success screen

I hope you are outnerdishly geeky enough to know that this means you’re on the path to android nirvana…

I came through iPhone territory by way of Handspring, then Zaurus, then Treo turf, so I can handle this kind of pain. But very disappointed…

  1. Install the Kies app from the google play store
  2. Fiddle with it for hours before discovering it’s useless.
  3. Stumble upon the Kies Windows app, install it from official site, let it spend an hour updating
  4. Try to use it and utterly fail to get any reasonable response from it
  5. But first, make sure you google to find all the other people with other different random stories of rage and sadness.
  6. Uninstall it and redownload a newer version from the same site the same day and install it.
  7. Plug your Samsung in and watch it fail to recognize it, fiddle for a few more hours…
  8. Fart with scattered settings on your phone to no avail
  9. Unplug and replug your phone while troubleshooting and reinstalling drivers in the right voodoo manner
  10. Use the Kies troubleshooter for a while, then realize its bizarre failure screens and minutes of spinning anuses are actually installing a working driver for your phone…
  11. In the middle of the night, through bleary eyes, see the Jelly Bean firmware upgrade notice – but only because you’re so tired that you watched a blank wait screen for far longer than any fully conscious human could ever muster.
  12. Have the firmware fail after it starts, scaring you to death, because it detects your battery is slightly below a full charge. Writhe in pain while you wonder if you’ve bricked the thing.
  13. Restart the whole process again after you unplug to charge your phone with a wall wart plug and the drivers get totally fubared all over again
  14. Watch the firmware get dropped on your phone, while you no longer give a shit because you are exhausted and disappointed and frustrated.