bizarre Galaxy S3 driver success screen

I hope you are outnerdishly geeky enough to know that this means you’re on the path to android nirvana…

I came through iPhone territory by way of Handspring, then Zaurus, then Treo turf, so I can handle this kind of pain. But very disappointed…

  1. Install the Kies app from the google play store
  2. Fiddle with it for hours before discovering it’s useless.
  3. Stumble upon the Kies Windows app, install it from official site, let it spend an hour updating
  4. Try to use it and utterly fail to get any reasonable response from it
  5. But first, make sure you google to find all the other people with other different random stories of rage and sadness.
  6. Uninstall it and redownload a newer version from the same site the same day and install it.
  7. Plug your Samsung in and watch it fail to recognize it, fiddle for a few more hours…
  8. Fart with scattered settings on your phone to no avail
  9. Unplug and replug your phone while troubleshooting and reinstalling drivers in the right voodoo manner
  10. Use the Kies troubleshooter for a while, then realize its bizarre failure screens and minutes of spinning anuses are actually installing a working driver for your phone…
  11. In the middle of the night, through bleary eyes, see the Jelly Bean firmware upgrade notice – but only because you’re so tired that you watched a blank wait screen for far longer than any fully conscious human could ever muster.
  12. Have the firmware fail after it starts, scaring you to death, because it detects your battery is slightly below a full charge. Writhe in pain while you wonder if you’ve bricked the thing.
  13. Restart the whole process again after you unplug to charge your phone with a wall wart plug and the drivers get totally fubared all over again
  14. Watch the firmware get dropped on your phone, while you no longer give a shit because you are exhausted and disappointed and frustrated.



  1. Jim Brown says:


    Welcome to Android. Seriously I’ve never had a really hard time upgrading any of my devices. I did my old Motorola Droid. I’ve done the kindle fire. I’ve never had a hard time getting any of them rooted and flashed. Then again I’ve always been lucky too. for the Moto I used superoneclick awesome. For the kindle it was the kindle fire utility both extremely easy to run and flash. Never heard of kies.

  2. Thanks Jim! I am loving being out in the wild again, escaping from the Cupertino maximum-security prison, viva la freedom! Even with all its pain. I’m posting this using Swype Dragon plug-in. Didn’t have to touch the keyboard. And it’s flawless, utterly amazing. But I had to get my rant in first. 🙂

  3. Henry says:

    Hey Mike,

    Are you saying that you got an S3? I did back in Aug. Are you also saying that you upgraded it to Jelly?

    – HH

  4. Mark says:

    I followed all steps above except for 11. I will try again and be sure not to miss this step to get my Jelly Bean finally. Thanks for posting

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