December 18
Felt great in the morning, ran a couple of fast miles – 2 fast miles were harder than my longest run of 4. I guess I have to say I “jog”, not “run”, from here on out. :P
Pump day. Went in at 1pm. Just thinking of the pump noise is enough to make me nauseous. Pshweeet–eeet-eeet, three little sounds, every minute. So music or conversation are as important as ever, to cover that sound. Andrea suggested that I do some visualizations of the drugs coarsing through me washing away the cancer cells, good advice. Good pump. Good drugs. Another silver lining comes to mind: when someone looks askew at me, I can turn to them and say “yes, I am, in fact, on drugs, thank you very much”. I’m getting dosed with poison every minute – Trainspotting wannabes, eat your heart out. By the way, if you ever feel inpired to voluntarily try hard drugs, just watch that movie, a sure cure for that evil thought. The most godless movie ever made.
To be honest, the chemo really is tame. So once again, I can count my blessings. They have really honed it down to a science – I have the pump to slowly dose me, reducing the toxicity, I have three seperate anti-nausea drugs to attack that problem, and I’ve remained healthy enough to keep exercising. We learned today that the strong anti-nausea meds they give during the “push” (the drugs that get dumped right into you while you wait) last for two days. That’s why Thursdays seem to be my worst day! And the nurse also recommened which drugs to take, one Wednesday night and one first thing Thursday morning.
On last Thursday my white blood cell (WBC) count was low (in the 2000’s, 4000 is the bottom end of normal). I hit the anti-oxidants and exercise and by today it was above 4000. So no WBC booster drugs required yet. Onward!
December 19
I had a great walk this morning with Reiley and the dogs. We went around the whole neighborhood and took Rei’s shortcut through the woods behind the park. With all the Dog Whisperer we’ve been watching on the MythTV box, we’ve gotten Reiley able to walk Wesley and have him treat her like the pack leader. They both do great!
At work we had the company holiday lunch at a Brazillian steakhouse. I had fun watching who could eat the most bacon-wrapped filet mignon – it was all-you-can-eat and let me tell you, people were out to get the most of the only Christmas bonus they’re going to see. They give you a card, one side green (“more meat please”) and one side red (“I can’t take any more!”), and I watched the table go from 98% green (with Ryan and myself starting out red) down to a tight race between Stephen, Mark, Chau, Ebony and Alireza – it was too close to call. I guess that’s a sign that my nausea isn’t too bad, being entertained by the meat flying around me and my salad bowl. :>
December 20
Wow, Christmas just around the doorstep! Fortunately I have the rest of the year off! Time to fight through the crowds.
December 21-22
This is what caves were made for. Cave dark. Cave quiet. Cave all alone. Cave good.
Still, I made it out to Reiley’s choir practice and the annual Whole Foods shop-for-mom trip. She’s so good, she actually took us there to do it, then waited in the car. Poor kid. Note to self: make the next year a better one for her. :>
On my better moments, we’ve been playing a pirate card game that the Gillespie’s got us for Christmas. It takes a lot of luck to win, but there’s definitely some great faced-paced and difficult strategy as well, and the girls take to it like ducks to water. The girls are at a great age – so smart, so capable and they still listen some of the time. :> Andrea’s recently gotten them on a more organized chore list. They really are a great couple of kids. Reiley has been cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, previously my job, and walking Wesley, being his “pack leader” (and doing a great job of it). Wren is on board too, with long dog walks and clearing off the table, and lots of other chores. I am excited to move into doing some service-oriented activities with them. Need to move from talking to walking on that one…
December 23
In addition to nausea I have a terrible shooting pain in the shoulder. I tried to convince myself it was just a pulled tendon, but when the nurse cleared the portacath on Wednesday, it just didn’t feel right – too much sensation, more than the usual dull surge of chemicals into a major artery – like too much liquid was shooting out under the skin. So here I am on Christmas Eve eve not sure of what to do. Every time I use my upper body at all I get a shooting shoulder pain. Andrea is upset, she says I waited, stubbornly trying to tough it out, and now I’ll end up in the hospital on Christmas. Ouch.
So here I am at 4am typing since it hurts to sleep. And Andrea comes in to see how I’m doing. She’s literally been doing everything to pull Christmas together, and she still checks on me at 4am. We’re going to call in the morning to see if anyone is still around to check out my shoulder. Back to sleep… we’ve got a Christmas season to wrap up!!