April 17th
I came home yesterday from the hospital. But before I left, we took this snapshot of me and the crew. I don’t remember his name, but the coatless doctor kept lending me his lab coat, just goofing around. We tried to fool Dr. Levine about who was the patient. Then I told him with all my personal experience, I was ready to join the team full-time. :>
When I got home, I had to sprint up the stairs to get away from the dogs, who were in a frenzy of happiness to see me, which made them a mortal threat as they dove for my abdomen. The home is full of family and friends and pets, and you’re actually less likely to catch something nasty as you are in the hospital, but in my case it is definitely not quieter. But Dorothy had it right – there’s no place like it. :>
Before I left, I received instructions on dressing my wound, which is significant and has to be done twice a day. I took notes while Dr. Henshaw did the deed. But last night, it was my turn. If you’ve read much of my cancer story, you already know I don’t shy away too much from the more nasty stuff. Neither do you, likely, since you’re still reading. :> Better than E.R., eh? Hahaha! But this wound… goodness… it is a horror to behold.
My mom’s been an emergency room nurse for years, and fortunately she was here to step me through dressing it myself the first time. Maybe after I’m all healed, I’ll be as tough as her and the rest of the good folks who work on people’s open bodies. But as of now, I have to be careful I don’t pass out while I go through the steps:
- take some pain meds!
- wash hands, use hand sanitizer
- remove the old pad (which has typically collected a lot of discharge)
- pull out the gauze stuffed into the wound (which has to be done “dry” so that all the slough comes with it – which means it often “sticks”, ugg)
- shower (with the wound wide open)
- use hand sanitizer
- sit in bed, place a handtowel below my belly
- shoot 4 blasts of saline into the wound, dab it with dry gauze
- douse a “4×4” gauze pad with the saline, wring it a bit
- unfold the gauze into a thin spider-web-like form
- pack the gauze deep down into the wound with a long q-tip (while biting hard on your lip)
- cover the area with an abdominal pad, using paper tape
So if you’ve made it that far, your reward is a picture – but first, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED… here it is. Andrea: “it’s grosser in real life”. hahaha! A challenge! Alright, here’s another picture.
So this morning a home health nurse came to help step me through the dressing change, perfect the process and gain a little more confidence. She talked about a “wound vac” that can help wounds heal faster, I have to check back with her on that. Otherwise, this thing seems like it will take months to heal…
I suppose that a good percentage of soldiers go through this in their lives, not to mention many of the civilian people stuck in war zones. Can we please fix Iraq now? All those injuries and casualties… it’s so senseless. There must be a solution somewhere. Sigh, topic for another day. But it’s hard not to think about with Tommy over there. Be safe, Tommy, we’re praying for an end to the war and your safe return home.
April 18th
I’ve had my first two movements today, very big, very good news. They both followed huge bouts of painful gas.
Pain. Deep in the abdomen. Trying to manage with taking less percoset, not working too well. :> I think all my systems are waking back up and realizing how sore they are. This is the day where you start to understand, from the back end, how extensive CRS with IPHC surgery really is. I hope I am not driving Andrea crazy with my crabbiness. The Desperate Housewives episode tonight was perfect commentary – Lynette running all the restaurant affairs her husband Tom started, managing the kids after the babysitter walks out, and trying to juggle everything else around the house, while he sits with back pain and screams for pie, “NOW”. Hahaha!
April 19th
Sitting around, waiting. Time for some introspection. :>
I’ve talked some before about the desire to make a positive response to all the blessings in life – especially as they pour out in time of need – and it seems as if a lot of potential opportunity is finding its way onto my radar. A recent Newsweek titled “Save The Planet – Or Else”, with the Terminator on the cover, included an article entitled “12 Ideas for the Planet”, in which 12 leaders provide various insights into things that are being done or coming into play. One of the sections was by Richard Cizik, the National Association of Evangelicals VP who speaks out for the environment. I don’t know how he managed to get so far in that organization given his ‘crazy’ view that “God told us to protect the earth”, but as you may have heard, recently Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, et al tried to gag him for all his efforts. But he’s still running strong, and it seems that most of the feedback has supported Cizik, even within the evangelical community – there’s some powerful testimony there. Cizik’s passionate resolve moves me to believe there’s still hope for some of the worse forms of the institution of religion – the ones that seem unsalvageably corrupted by the vices of the infallible human beings that have climbed to the top to lead them (or pervert them, as the case may be).
Another source in this same category is Jim Wallis and the magazine he edits, Sojourners. The latest episode, covering trade justice (a phrase which sounds more specific than “fair trade”, which has been spun quite a lot), knocked me over. I prefer to think of myself as very environmentally-minded. I am aware of the social injustice and environmental destruction wrought by our desire to fill our Wal-Mart’s with the cheapest goods possible. But this magazine pulls no punches. You can *feel* the purity of conviction in each of the articles damning our desires to have the best for ourselves no matter the cost to others. I wear clothing from Old Navy that I am sure is not sweatshop-free, I buy products without much regard to the environmental impact, and my monthly electric bill is shameful (geek-note-to-self: I need to work on making my Windows and linux PC’s “sleep” more). We’re all knee-deep on this one, and there’s lots to think about and do about it, all around us. And again, I do feel a need to respond to these issues at a spiritual level.
Another great source, and old friend from my days in Valpo’s Christ College, is Utne Reader. I bought it for Andrea for Christmas and the first issue finally came. It’s full of the usual wide range of subject matter. Even though so many issues are covered, Utne Reader still seems to have a way of giving you optimistic outlooks to the presented challenges. Erik Utne provides a call for new levels of volunteering in “Ask What You Can Do For Your Planet” – and you can find direct opportunities right here. Another article talks about the simple kindnesses of, of all things, Huey Lewis, towards his mentally handicapped fans. It’s a great read, catch it if you can. It once again points out that it’s often the little kindnesses that really make all the difference.
There are also plenty of “regular” folks who are inspiring in their own battles. I have good friends battling congenital heart conditions across generations, yet they continue to check on me and my situation. Friends from church have a son with Cystic Fibrosis, and even though he is only 7, he has written about his problem and is very involved in fundraisers. A college buddy had twins, one of whom developed lymphoma. Another small boy named Landon, only 2 years old, has hypoplastic left heart syndrome, requiring multiple surgeries to reroute the blood flow around his heart, and yet his family has found a way to keep me in their prayers. And I will continue to keep them in mine. All these peoples are heroes to me.
Again, a big thanks to everyone who has checked in on me. We’re well on the road to recovery now.
April 20th-21st
I feel like Ralph Fiennes in The English Patient. With gas.
April 22nd
This is taking a lot longer than I expected. Not getting much sleep. Percoset is my only friend. I called the doctor to see about a “wound vac”, which several people (including my home health care nurse) have told me will get the wound healed faster. I had to talk to the on-call doctor, and he said they do not recommend wound vacs, because the wound is sealed, with the dressing changed only three times per week, and infections can get worse during that time. So it’s the long haul for me. He did say “EAT!”, so that is my calling. I am trying to down a protein shake as often as I can stand it. Steady on.
April 24th
I made it out of the house today! Just a Percoset-assisted half-block walk down the street, and that was enough. Must keep trying to do that regularly. I still feel like it’s the best advice for almost all physical ailments: get in some exercise! Even the smallest amount, in my case. :>
The hospital always has you rate your level of pain, on a scale from 1 to 10. Tonight, from 10pm to midnight, I was stuck at 10. I finally took enough Percoset to allow me to pass out (aka “sleep”). When I woke up at 4am, I was a lot better. I think I drank a yogurt smoothie too fast and it all turned to gas, so fast that it wouldn’t move through, and I bloated up like the girl who chewed the supergum in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I sure hope that’s the last time I have to go through that.
April 25th
Larry came by and we walked to his house and back a couple times, it was a challenge but felt great! Thanks Larry. He showed me this great Pirate ship that he’s built for his son Nick and the cub scouts. He is amazing at putting this really really creative stuff together – the ship has a big wheel for steering, a gangplank, a boarding ramp, a parrot, a huge mast and sail, cannonballs (tennis balls coated with black goo), and this fantastically thick rope, almost the size of your forearm, lying about. He said next, he’s going to be working on making some cardboard cutout pirate characters that the kids can run a sword through. He’s brought many a cub scout quite a lot of fun with his ingenuity.
I realized today that lots of folks had taken me up on my offer to call my cell phone for updates. Unfortunately, that didn’t pan out so well! Sorry to Rich Grip, Ken Etterman, Vic Forberger, my pop, Erik Hromadka, Karl Sowa, my brother, and all the others that never got a response! I’ll try to get back to you all soon. And the cards! I’m swamped with all the wonderful messages of support and well-wishes. Thank you all so much.
April 26th
The nurse came this morning to dress my wound, and said that the white tissue in the wound is NOT the granulating tissue required for healing, but rather just “slough” that gathers at the bottom of the wound. This is a bummer for two reasons: 1) the wound really isn’t properly filling in much yet; and 2) she claimed that the doctor will probably want to remove all of it! Ack. Maybe I just need to sleep for a month straight. :>
Even though I’ve dropped to my low weight of 159, my muscles haven’t shrunk much yet, so I’m still hopeful that I can get this under control and get back on the healthy track before I’m reset all the way back to zero. Even if I am reset to zero, I am still determined to carry on with my goal of being in the best shape of my life. C’mon faithful readers, let’s do it together! :>
April 29th
Struggling on. Our good friends Larry and Jane came by, along with Pam, Jane’s sister, who is also a “wound care specialist”. She took at look at me and said she’s seen much worse. Buck up, Mikey.
April 30th
I finally called the doctor today, following Andrea’s pleas, just to make sure I was supposed to still be in so much discomfort. “Umm, yeah, pretty much”. Hehe. I told the nurse that I couldn’t feel my left thumb, and her comment was “too bad you don’t have that side effect right on your wound”. We laughed for a whole minute at that one. And it hurt. In a good way. :>
May 3rd
No significant change. Sick of the constant intake of Percoset, I tried to go 24 hours without it. My pain at a constant 8/10, I only made it halfway. I now realize that Percoset is a requirement at this stage. I see Doctor Levine tomorrow, perhaps he will come up with an improved wound care plan.