bloviation extrordinaire
I guess they’re teaching sarcasm classes earlier these days… kids these days… when *I* was a youngster, we quietly stood in the corner, and ate paint chips! AND WE LIKED IT!!
|
Wren (doing a little bean voice impression): “and the big bean was too slow and it got ate-en…” Daddy: “eaten, Wren…” Wren: “No, they don’t know how to say it.” Daddy: “Why don’t you eat your broccoli stems with the tops? It’s the same thing…” |
Andrea and I were joking with the girls that when they were born, Mommy pulled something out of her nose, and it was Reiley, who’s really a booger. And Wrenny was throwup. Then we said, “No, you guys know where you really came from”.
To which Reiley replied “Gross, I need a bath.”
The neighborhood got together for a “How To Host A Murder” party on New Year’s Eve, aka Larry’s birthday. It was a hit! Larry stormed around as the captain, yelling “don’t call it a boat, it’s not a boat, it’s a ship!” and “I don’t remember what I was doing, I was drunk at the time…”. Scott was decked out in a racing jacket and gloves, and Greg played out the accusatory investment banker perfectly. All the ladies were “dressed to kill”, which played out perfectly, as they all ended up running brothels or being romantically linked to the deceased.
| To cap it all off, the role of the murdered host was played by none other than… Michael Jackson. Perfect casting! |
 |
Everybody had a blast, and we hope to do it again some time soon.
Found on the web…
Don’t you just love it when teachers’ good intentions go a muck?
An elementary school class started a class project to make a planter
to take home to their parents. They wanted to have a plant in it;
that was easy to take care of, so they decided to use cactus plants. The students were given greenware pottery planters in the shape of a clown, which they painted with glaze. The clown planters were professionally fired at a class outing so they could see the process. It was great fun.
They planted cactus seeds in the finished planters and they grew
nicely… but unfortunately the children were not allowed to take them home…
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.
Receptionist: “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”
Mr. Smith: “What do you mean?”
Receptionist: “Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife.”
Mr. Smith: “That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?”
Receptionist: “Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”
Mr. Smith: “Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
Receptionist: “The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her.”
Knock Knock…
The new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.”
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”
Via email…
A colleague’s niece is from the south. She routinely took her cat in for a line cut, which means the groomer cuts off fur below the tummy where it can get matted and dirty. She moved to Chicago and took the cat to the groomer and asked for a line cut, but with her accent, the groomer heard, “lion cut.” This is how the cat came back. I think the look on its face just says it all (look at both pics).