Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.

Receptionist: “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”

Mr. Smith: “What do you mean?”

Receptionist: “Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife.”

Mr. Smith: “That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?”

Receptionist: “Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”

Mr. Smith: “Well, what am I supposed to do now?”

Receptionist: “The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her.”

Knock Knock…

The new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.”

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”

Via email…

A colleague’s niece is from the south. She routinely took her cat in for a line cut, which means the groomer cuts off fur below the tummy where it can get matted and dirty. She moved to Chicago and took the cat to the groomer and asked for a line cut, but with her accent, the groomer heard, “lion cut.” This is how the cat came back. I think the look on its face just says it all (look at both pics).